Have any of you had to cut off Contact with a grown child?

[BFP]

My 21 year old has been abusive for years, and quite recently we have decided to cut off all contact with him. Believe me he hasn't given us much of a choice. The problem is that I am not sure if this is 'right' in God's eyes, and if it is not then how much can a family take? I am talking severe behaviours, not typical teen behavoirs. I know you're going to ask about diagnoses's here, and there have been none, thanks to the fact that psychiatrists seem to just wash thier hands of him very quickly when he does land in a hospital. There are some very deep issues going on here including psychosis episodes and the like. This is not an adopted child, nor is it an abused child. He is far beyond 'strong willed'

The only choice we seem to have is to have absolutely no contact. I am hoping and praying that some day God heals him and changes him but until then he is a danger to himself and others. He is homeless, has never been able to make freinds because he only cares about himself and what others can give him. He scares people (not in a physical way, but because, as my other kids say, he is creepy in some weird and wacky way) At this point, and after doing everything we can to try and help this kid we can't do anymore.

He calls all hours of the night cursing us because he can't have his way on what ever he is trying to get from us at the moment. He deliberately tries you make you feel like you are the one that is crazy...

A couple of weeks ago he was trying to tell us to leave our home because he caused some kind of trouble and someone was going to come to our home and kill everyone here...it just never ends:>) I ask God to help him all the time, but what do we do in the meantime? Is it unloving to cut him off?

[kat8585]

It sounds like he may have a problem he needs help with, as in, committed, if he is a danger to himself and others. Can you do that in Canada?

Both my daughters cut me off, for a time, back in their drinking and drugging days. I did my share of enabling, but it came to where I couldn't afford to do it any more, which was best.

If it's any help, and there isn't another kind of problem, most people grow out of this type of behavior. It sounds like you are using tough love, which is the best thing.

[BFP]

It's not something he's going to grow out of...but I can't get him commited, I've tried...

My daughter has been a trial, she is a strong willed child and has gone through the heavy drugs and the drinking...smokes pot everyday...but she has a heart, even though she rarely shows it. She is 18 now and never home, out doing her own thing. She is nothing compared to her older brother, believe me. I can deal with what she is doing. She will eventually outgrow her rebellion:>) My son is not in a rebellion he was born with something wrong...

Edited March 23, 2008 by BFP

[sheinhisword08]

It sounds like he may have a problem he needs help with, as in, committed, if he is a danger to himself and others. Can you do that in Canada?

Both my daughters cut me off, for a time, back in their drinking and drugging days. I did my share of enabling, but it came to where I couldn't afford to do it any more, which was best.

If it's any help, and there isn't another kind of problem, most people grow out of this type of behavior. It sounds like you are using tough love, which is the best thing.

sometimes, things like this are necessary.

[kat8585]

That isn't possible in Canada, to commit someone who is a danger to himself or others???

[BFP]

That isn't possible in Canada, to commit someone who is a danger to himself or others???

No, it is not. They either have to commit a henious crime or commit themselves. My son doesn't think there is anything wrong with him, just everybody around him. I even went to a judge last summer and got a court order. All the court order did was ensure that a psychiatrist would spend 15 minutes with him. After the 15 minutes I was called in...the psychiatrist told me that my son wanted to be a woman and that was his whole problem...haha! Yup that just explains EVERYTHING doc! You go kiddo!

the reason he was even brought to the hospital was because he had been walking the streets with no shoes, no ID, no clothes, (three different ppl had given him clothes which he had taken off) He thought God was talking to him...thought that he had to become EVE to be the bride of Christ...anyway there was alot more than that but it is too long to explain....and the psychiatrists theory was that he was a woman trapped in a mans body! So much for the court order

So from there my son hitched a ride to the nearest big city and lived for three months in a womens shelter as a woman. Yup, they didn't see anything wrong with it either...what is our world coming to??? He did learn one thing after three months though, he doesn't want to be a woman:>)

[mead]

I will remember your son and your family in my prayers.

[Guest LadyC]

bfp, i don't believe cutting off contact with your son is unbiblical. in the OT, you see God commanding parents in similar situations to put their son to death. i'm not at all suggesting that you literally kill your son, but i do believe that cutting off all contact with him is a modern day equivalent. i'm so sorry that you are going through this ordeal. but i will lift your family up in prayer!

[BFP]

Thank you all, those who posted, Pm'd me, and those who hold my son in your prayers. I am going to cut him out, for his own good, and let God work on him without my interferance until such time that the Lord tells me different. And I am able to do this now without feeling that I am wrong in my actions.

Sometimes it is so hard to figure out if it is right or wrong to take such an action:>) Please keep him in your prayers

Thanks

[pamiam]

I'm so sorry to read of your trials with your son. He sounds as if he needs meds, therapy and prayer. A tall order if Canada won't really treat him. Is he a firstborn son? Any awareness of generational curses? I'd check into that and be in a support group if there is one. I have a wonderful Christian friend whose daughter has cut her off, my mother cut me off about a year ago, another friend's mother cut her off a few years ago. I wonder if this is happening more and more. It seems so. The positive side of all this is that breaking a cycle that is so unhealthy can produce positive results. It sounds, though, like your son isn't really able to make good decisions and may not learn much from being cut off. However, you have to protect yourself and the rest of your family and it sounds like you've taken a good stand. Thanks for bringing this before us so we can support you in prayer.