Courting/Dating/Marriage when both are relatively Not that shrewd just like "sons of light" in Luke 16's Shrewd manager parable

[bartmac123]

If you have a chance, please do read the entire parable of the
Shrewd Manager in Luke 16.  The verses that real caught my attention
are:

( Luke 16:8-9 ) 8 And his master praised the unrighteous manager
because he had acted shrewdly; for the sons of this age are more
shrewd in relation to their own kind than the sons of light. 9 And I
say to you, make friends for yourselves by means of the wealth of
unrighteousness, so that when it fails, they will receive you into the
eternal dwellings.

Let me be very frank, I am really bad when it comes to doing business.
I'm Not saying that I am wasteful when it comes to spending money.  I
am reasonably careful with mony.  It's Not like I click purchase on
every item that I like on amazon.com
However, a used car salesman can probably sell me a piece of junk as a
car, and I'd probably Only find out as soon as I drive it off the car
dealership's parking lot.  Basically, I'm Not that business-minded.
Therefore, I would consider myself to be like the "sons of light" who
are relatively Not as shrewd as the "sons of this age"

In my family, my Dad was shrewd at business, but my Mom is Not.
Therefore, my Dad would handle negotiations when we wanted to buy a
car or a house, etc.
One of my concerns as I communicate with Christian ladies for dating
is whether or Not they are shrewd at business.  It's sort of a Drawback if both of us were like the "sons of light".

Could someone please provide their opinion/feedback in regards to the aforementioned case?

[R. Hartono]

On 8/26/2021 at 7:22 AM, bartmac123 said:

If you have a chance, please do read the entire parable of the
Shrewd Manager in Luke 16.  The verses that real caught my attention
are:

( Luke 16:8-9 ) 8 And his master praised the unrighteous manager
because he had acted shrewdly; for the sons of this age are more
shrewd in relation to their own kind than the sons of light. 9 And I
say to you, make friends for yourselves by means of the wealth of
unrighteousness, so that when it fails, they will receive you into the
eternal dwellings.

Let me be very frank, I am really bad when it comes to doing business.
I'm Not saying that I am wasteful when it comes to spending money.  I
am reasonably careful with mony.  It's Not like I click purchase on
every item that I like on amazon.com
However, a used car salesman can probably sell me a piece of junk as a
car, and I'd probably Only find out as soon as I drive it off the car
dealership's parking lot.  Basically, I'm Not that business-minded.
Therefore, I would consider myself to be like the "sons of light" who
are relatively Not as shrewd as the "sons of this age"

In my family, my Dad was shrewd at business, but my Mom is Not.
Therefore, my Dad would handle negotiations when we wanted to buy a
car or a house, etc.
One of my concerns as I communicate with Christian ladies for dating
is whether or Not they are shrewd at business.  It's sort of a Drawback if both of us were like the "sons of light".

Could someone please provide their opinion/feedback in regards to the aforementioned case?

B4 giving any possibly unwise comments, please tell  me what is ur job n why it needs to be shrewd n why the lady u r dating must hv a shrewd business mind either

[bartmac123]

15 hours ago, R. Hartono said:

B4 giving any possibly unwise comments, please tell  me what is ur job n why it needs to be shrewd n why the lady u r dating must hv a shrewd business mind either

I just have a white-collar desk job usually working from 9am to 5pm as a computer IT software developer.  I still think that I need someone who is business-minded, intelligent with money, etc.  

Also, I wanted to mention that CS Lewis was a brilliant Christian theologian whose published books positively impacted the Kingdom of Christ.  However, when he died he had a huge tax bill.  It tells us that there are probably a lot of genuine and sincere and dedicated Christians in life who do Not know how to handle / manage money, and do Not know how to run a business.

Also, I sometimes listen to online internet video sermons by Pastor John Hagee of Cornerstone Church in Texas, USA.  I remember a sermon by Pastor Hagee where he was recounting instructions that he gave his son before his son was going into ministry.  Pastor Hagee told his son that he should go get a business degree, and then enter ministry.    

I would like to point to the following bible scripture passage Luke 14:28-32 that emphasizes the importance of planning by counting the cost, and keeping track of your resources before determining how to take on a challenge that we are  Christians face:

 

Quote

 

Luke 14:25-35

²⁵ Now ^[m]large crowds were going along with Him; and He turned and said to them, ²⁶ “If anyone comes to Me, and does not ^[n]hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. ²⁷ Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. ²⁸ For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? ²⁹ Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, ³⁰ saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ ³¹ Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? ³² Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends ^[o]a delegation and asks for terms of peace. ³³ So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions.

³⁴ “Therefore, salt is good; but if even salt has become tasteless, with what will it be seasoned? ³⁵ It is useless either for the soil or for the manure pile; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, ^[p]let him hear.”

 

 

[Who me]

On 8/26/2021 at 1:22 AM, bartmac123 said:

One of my concerns as I communicate with Christian ladies for dating
is whether or Not they are shrewd at business.  It's sort of a Drawback if both of us were like the "sons of light".

You are putting the cart before the horse.

 

You don't have a girlfriend and you are imaging problems in a relationship that does not yet exist.

 

Two suggestions.

One is to develop financial skills, a counting for what you spend, find out how to buy a used car, check the reliability of salesmen etc etc.

Second surfing your courtship see how she deals with buying expensive items and generally handle money.

 

Untill you have a girlfriend, don't worry about it.

[bartmac123]

1 hour ago, Who me said:

You are putting the cart before the horse.

 

You don't have a girlfriend and you are imaging problems in a relationship that does not yet exist.

 

Two suggestions.

One is to develop financial skills, a counting for what you spend, find out how to buy a used car, check the reliability of salesmen etc etc.

Second surfing your courtship see how she deals with buying expensive items and generally handle money.

 

Untill you have a girlfriend, don't worry about it.

Thank you for responding.  However, I believe it's Wise to consider all qualities and characteristics when courting a person, and ultimately marrying the said person. 

If you think about a lot of people(especially youngsters) become really enamored and/or infatuated by good looks, features, charm, etc., of the person that they are seriously courting, and ultimately seriously thinking about marrying.  Furthermore, it probably reaches a point where they blatantly violate/break the 1st commandment:
 

Quote

 

Deuteronomy 5:7-8

⁷ ‘You shall have no other gods besides Me.

⁸ ‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any ^[e]likeness of what is in heaven above ^[f]or on the earth beneath ^[g]or in the water under the earth. ⁹ You shall not worship them nor serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, inflicting the ^[h]punishment of the fathers on the children, ^[i]even on the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, ¹⁰ but showing ^[j]favor to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.

 

Therefore, it's quite practical and more importantly adhering to Godly Wisdom when we take into consideration all qualities & characteristics of the person whom we as Christians are courting, and seriously considering marrying.

 

 

Edited August 28, 2021 by bartmac123

[bartmac123]

24 minutes ago, Josheb said:

You understand any bookstore in the westerns civilized world has books in the children's section teaching basic financial skills to grade schoolers, yes? If your lack of knowledge is that profound then start in the children's section and work your way up. There are plenty of places where financial skills can be learned. Books like "Raising Financially Fit Kids," "Personal Finance for Dummies," "Your Money or Your Life," "The Psychology of Money," "You Need a Budget," "How to manage Money When You Don't Have Any," or any book by Dave Ramsey (such as "The Total Money Management Makeover") will do.

Seriously 

 

And if I may add something to Who Me's post: when you have a girlfriend..... worry about it . 

I do agree that for people who might Not be that business-minded and are Not that great a finances can and should read books on money management, financial sense, being good at business, etc.  However, there are some people who are naturally talented business people.  Therefore, if you are poor at mental math like me, and Not that good at business negotiation, it would be good to get a spouse who is more naturally business-minded. 

[appy]

The title of this thread begins with Courting/Dating/Marriage. I agree financial stewardship is a good thing, and we should manage our money wisely, but it is NOT the foundation of a marital relationship. Love is. If the foundation of a marriage is based solely on how she manages finances, your in for a disappointment. And your relationship with her will be a roller coaster of emotions ending with a divorce very quickly.

Are you looking for a woman to love, hold, and cherish or a business partner to manage your bank account for you? A woman wants to be loved, and know that no matter what life hands the both of you, you will support her no matter what happens. Not seen as a financial manager, a business investment or a piece of merchandise.

The right reason for dating and then marriage, is because you have come to know the person on a more personal and intimate level, and your love is more than a mere attraction. That this is someone you are committed to for the rest of your life, irregardless of life's circumstances. Your love for a chosen spouse should be a love that is perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, and pure. In other words, no strings attached.

 

 

[Starise]

 

I think most women not only want a loving, caring considerate responsible man but also a man who is somewhat proactive at solving problems. As others have said her ability to be good with finances would not be the first thing I would look at but I think it's also wise to consider her personality type ( when you meet her). Over analyzing any human being will always turn up both strengths and weaknesses. If you over analyze her looking for perfection you'll never date for long or marry, and remember she also has to live with you. As a Christian 1st on my list would be, is she a believer? How serious does she take her faith? How serious do you take your faith? These are the things that hold a family together. While that one is very important, it isn't always the only thing you should consider.

When I met my 1st wife I reasoned that if she was a believer we would be able to work through anything we came across because we had the Lord. That turned out to be a very false assumption, so I think looking at other strengths and weaknesses and looking at compatibility is very helpful, and don't let some date site computer pick all of your dates. Pray and ask God to direct you.

As I said women want a man who takes the reigns and leads with wisdom. They are the ones having the babies, so yes they will always prefer a good place to have children and that means a man who is in on it in a big way.

You don't need high intelligence or to read a slew of financial how to books to be wise with money. It's really a few basic things. Running a household isn't generally as complex as running a business self employed or with employees. Men who draw larger salaries tend to spend more money on toys. Keep in mind a frugal wife might take issue with that behavior. While buying yourself things occasionally isn't a sin if you have the money, doing things like investing and saving for retirement, saving for future kids make the most sense . One day you will be too old to work. When you're young you never think of that but that's the time you need to be preparing for it. Many things in investment and money management can be made automatic. You set it up once and only look at  it when you are looking in to see if changes need to be made. 

- Spend less than you make

-Have a savings fund for emergencies. If a hurricane comes along and blows the roof off you'll need to by bilge pumps and tarps temporarily. If the transmission quits in the car you need it fixed.

-Get unto some kind of retirement savings plan. Do the math ( or hire a professional) to tell you how much money you need to put back and the best places to put the money to have money for retirement. If you don't live that long your future family will still have those funds depending on your will, so it is never throwing money away. When you get older you may be able to add more to this account to retire earlier or have more money for retirement. Many employers contribute a sum to the amount you contribute up to a point.

-Pay any debts down as quickly as possible. Pay extra on the principle if possible.If you have a 30 year mortgage refinance it for a 15 and/or a lower interest rate.

Maybe have these discussions with any person who  you end up being serious with in the future.

Keep in mind you will both occasionally have different priorities. There's a difference between frivolous reckless spending and allowing yourself to buy something you think you will use. When she brings home new dresses and shoes occasionally, even if it seems she has plenty, hold your tongue. Let her have that freedom. You should both have an agreed to limit that the other can spend without asking any questions. If it goes over that amount, consult the other before spending the money. ALWAYS keep all accounts together. If you don't trust one another enough to have combined accounts, that isn't a real relationship. Transparency and honesty are important in finances.

Take the reigns on your finances now so that you'll be financially healthy going into a new relationship. I know of a guy who had just landed a decent job and wasn't dating anyone at the time. What did he do? He went and bought a very expensive car, hung himself with high payments for the next 5 years, digging into his capability to pay a mortgage later on. "Bad at business" doesn't have to be. It's mostly common sense.

Edited August 30, 2021 by Starise