Colorism...My family hates my skin tone

[Kenzie]

@DustyRoad wow, that’s an incredible story. I love the history of people. Thank you for your words of encouragement ?

[Kenzie]

@ayin jadethank you so much! And interracial relationships are a blessing! My first relationship was interracial. It was only a school thing tho lol. But thank you for your encouragement!

[Kenzie]

@Blood Bought 1953 thank you!!! 

[Kenzie]

@Christdiedforoursins thank you for sharing your story and understanding where I am coming from. I think that is cool that you grew up around the Tswana people. I love different cultures and I’m always fascinated with the beauty of other people and how God made them. 

[Kenzie]

@enoob57 thank you for the verses! 

[Kenzie]

@FresnoJoe thank you for the verses! ? 

[Kenzie]

@other one ?? that made me laugh! Thanks for your story. And yeah my mom is something else lol. It’s funny because I just realized this is more of a her problem than me. So yeah, I’ll do what you said. Thank you!

[Kenzie]

@PromisesPromises! thank you! You always have the right words to say that cheer me up. Seriously, I’m at work right now and when I saw your reply I had to head to the back because I almost teared up . Thank you so much ! 

[Revlori]

12 hours ago, Kenzie said:

Hi, I’m here again lol. Thanks for all of you who have helped me through my crisis a couple weeks ago. QUESTION:  How do I deal with my family who discriminates  against me because i am darker. Now, I am vulnerable with this topic. I don’t know how racially diverse worthy is, (doesn’t matter) but I don’t know if any of you would understand what I am saying or relate. I am grateful for any advice. Like some of you know, my family is not supportive of my mental health. I can not tell them my issues. So I come here. I am very grateful for all of you, truly! Here is a pic of me and my family. 

My parents: https://pin.it/4fq4tdv7dcivh6

me, my sister, my sister in law: I’m in the middle, my sister is on the right. Sister in law is on the left. https://pin.it/mtbq7bh2j7mqp4

Anyway, I’m a black young women (17). For all of you who don’t know what colorism is. It is “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group”.

Colorism is a huge problem in the black community. In my experience, among some people I know and in society, dark skin is looked down upon. 

The thing is, colorism is a topic that makes people uncomfortable. I think because no one wants to admit that it exist. And because they may be colorist aswell.

So here’s my problem, my immediate family is very colorist. This started with my mother who is of darker skin. Now, both my parents are black but my father is lighter skin. His complexion is more like George Lopez, while my moms is like Naomi Campbell. I have 5 sibling. My older brother and myself take after our moms complexion and my younger sister and younger 2 brothers take after my dads.

Well you would think that my mother would not have a problem with having darker kids but she does. She projects her self hatred onto me. She has been verbally (& physically) abusive to me since I was 8. Whenever she wants to insult me, she targets my skintone, which is the same as hers, and also my hair and weight. 

She has uplifted my siblings as better and more beautiful than me because of their lighter skin. She makes comments indirectly about their hair and skin as being better than mine. It hurts. It hurts because she has brainwashed this to them, making them believe that they are better than darker people like myself. It hurts because i am singled out and this has been going since I was a young child . My mom is a narcissist so she really won’t accept blame. We have a looooonnngg history of just craziness. We have been doing better, but we never got along. I was always to blame. But that’s besides the point really. 

I have never struggled with accepting my skin; (blessing), but my low self esteem was because of my weight and I just think I am ugly. I recently realized that what is going on in my family is NOT okay! I have talked to my parents about this and how satan wants to divide our people. And colorism is a trick he uses. While they accept what I’m saying, they continue to make these comments. I am gaslighted all the time about  being over sensitive when I get upset. 

For example, the reason I am writing this is because 10 minutes ago we were having family time and I told my dad that his comment about my brothers girlfriend was disrespectful and colorist. Of course he denied it. But then my sister jumped in and began to scold me. BTW, she is VERY vain and thinks that she is better because she is lighter. She doesn’t understand the struggles dark skin women face. My sister thinks she is prettier than me because of her skin. And for the comments people make about her being prettier than me because she is lighter. 

I’m sorry that this is so long. It is just that I’m very sad rn and feel less than. As much as I try to stay strong, their comments get to me and sometimes I question myself. I have always took pride in my skin but other areas I struggle (body). I hate when people are sad. Especially when other little darker girls hate their skin because of colorism and society. For example, my younger cousin who is 4 believes she would be prettier if she had light skin. It happens in the black community a lot. The media influence has a lot to do with it aswell as the whole slavery stuff. But I want to be an activist and a lawyer one day. And tackle problems like this. I know colorism is also a problem in India and south Asian counties.  Anyway, if you made it this far God bless you lol ?! Any advice is needed. Please pray that I can strive forward, I just feel drained and forgotten . I’m trying to do better and listen to god... but I admit I am struggling. Thank you, love all of you !?

Hello Kenzie

You have gotten very good advice from your brothers and sisters here dear, and I can only agree with them. 

I can also share something that might lighten things up and make you smile. I am white, however I am very tan. I keep a tan even in winter compared to my lovely extremely white sisters and beautiful very very white daughter. This was an issue when me and my sister's would play outside by my grandmother's home. Please no one take this to offence! My grandmother would see us and call me a little brown jug and tell me if any one comes to hide behind the house. Really I was always tan and in the summer I get really dark.My sisters thought this was hilarious and would make fun, but things do turn around. As we all grew up, me the dark one, wouldn't get sun burnt but alas, they burn constantly, except my baby sister who now Go's to the tanning bed all year to keep a tan like me. You see God makes us all special, by the way my husband is white but looks like a red man. His skin never turns tan its like a red orange, two of my children are like really light white and my third is like me, remains tan. So you see, let people think or say what they want. I know I'm a pretty woman ( not being sarcastic, or swell headed. I know God made me pretty and my husband thinks so lol) my children are beautiful and handsome as well as ( to me) my husband is. Be happy dear with you, and one day if the Lord willing you will meet a handsome man who will adore you for you! God bless ?

Edited December 22, 2019 by Revlori

[Revlori]

2 minutes ago, DustyRoad said:

This reminds me of my own familial situation. All of us children appear "white" but that changes after exposure to sunshine. My eldest sister and I are the darkest and when we receive enough sunlight, we grow darker instead of burning. Because of this most of the people who live here assume I'm either a native (the locals are a mixture of native American and Spanish ancestry) or from one of the reservations. The lady, on the other hand, is exceedingly fair with platinum blonde hair (together with gray it makes her hair appear white) and so we've noticed how differently folks around here treat us both.

The lady reports feeling unwelcome in certain places (there's a history of locals being exploited by wealthy white landowners) but the same doesn't happen to me. Everyone takes me for granted. 

That's so true, We live in a corrupt world for sure, a world Full of racism, that happens everywhere to all people. Aren't we glad that God accepts everyone in his family that will receive Christ? Did you ever think of what heaven will be like when all of us get there? Every color, every different nationality, people of every shape and size, wow what a time that will be, no one will ever cast judgement again....

have a blessed day brother!