Colorism...My family hates my skin tone

[Kenzie]

Hi, I’m here again lol. Thanks for all of you who have helped me through my crisis a couple weeks ago. QUESTION:  How do I deal with my family who discriminates  against me because i am darker. Now, I am vulnerable with this topic. I don’t know how racially diverse worthy is, (doesn’t matter) but I don’t know if any of you would understand what I am saying or relate. I am grateful for any advice. Like some of you know, my family is not supportive of my mental health. I can not tell them my issues. So I come here. I am very grateful for all of you, truly! 

Anyway, I’m a black young women (17). For all of you who don’t know what colorism is. It is “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group”.

Colorism is a huge problem in the black community. In my experience, among some people I know and in society, dark skin is looked down upon. 

The thing is, colorism is a topic that makes people uncomfortable. I think because no one wants to admit that it exist. And because they may be colorist aswell.

So here’s my problem, my immediate family is very colorist. This started with my mother who is of darker skin. Now, both my parents are black but my father is lighter skin. His complexion is more like George Lopez, while my moms is like Naomi Campbell. I have 5 sibling. My older brother and myself take after our moms complexion and my younger sister and younger 2 brothers take after my dads.

Well you would think that my mother would not have a problem with having darker kids but she does. She projects her self hatred onto me. She has been verbally (& physically) abusive to me since I was 8. Whenever she wants to insult me, she targets my skintone, which is the same as hers, and also my hair and weight. 

She has uplifted my siblings as better and more beautiful than me because of their lighter skin. She makes comments indirectly about their hair and skin as being better than mine. It hurts. It hurts because she has brainwashed this to them, making them believe that they are better than darker people like myself. It hurts because i am singled out and this has been going since I was a young child . My mom is a narcissist so she really won’t accept blame. We have a looooonnngg history of just craziness. We have been doing better, but we never got along. I was always to blame. But that’s besides the point really. 

I have never struggled with accepting my skin; (blessing), but my low self esteem was because of my weight and I just think I am ugly. I recently realized that what is going on in my family is NOT okay! I have talked to my parents about this and how satan wants to divide our people. And colorism is a trick he uses. While they accept what I’m saying, they continue to make these comments. I am gaslighted all the time about  being over sensitive when I get upset. 

For example, the reason I am writing this is because 10 minutes ago we were having family time and I told my dad that his comment about my brothers girlfriend was disrespectful and colorist. Of course he denied it. But then my sister jumped in and began to scold me. BTW, she is VERY vain and thinks that she is better because she is lighter. She doesn’t understand the struggles dark skin women face. My sister thinks she is prettier than me because of her skin. And for the comments people make about her being prettier than me because she is lighter. 

I’m sorry that this is so long. It is just that I’m very sad rn and feel less than. As much as I try to stay strong, their comments get to me and sometimes I question myself. I have always took pride in my skin but other areas I struggle (body). I hate when people are sad. Especially when other little darker girls hate their skin because of colorism and society. For example, my younger cousin who is 4 believes she would be prettier if she had light skin. It happens in the black community a lot. The media influence has a lot to do with it aswell as the whole slavery stuff. But I want to be an activist and a lawyer one day. And tackle problems like this. I know colorism is also a problem in India and south Asian counties.  Anyway, if you made it this far God bless you lol ?! Any advice is needed. Please pray that I can strive forward, I just feel drained and forgotten . I’m trying to do better and listen to god... but I admit I am struggling. Thank you, love all of you !?

[lovethelord]

Kenzie,

God made everyone with different skin tones and colorings. Everyone has their own special beauty. All children learn about racialism and prejudices by what they see and learn in the home. Your mom/dad may put such importance on this because their own parents were the same way.  You are the one who can break the cycle because unless they are willing to change it won't happen. You can only control yourself and your own responses to their hurtful comments. Don't let them define you. Ask the Lord to you help you not to react when they say something insensitive or hurtful to you. I am concerned that you are being abused emotionally and physically. This is unacceptable and no one deserves this. If you are being harmed you need to have this reported and/or get help from a trusted person you know. There is help out there, but if no one knows what is happening then it will continue.

[Kenzie]

@Circuit @lovethelord thank you ?

[ayin jade]

My thought when I saw your photo is how beautiful you are. I mean it. 

Just so you know, I have an interracial marriage. I am white and my husband is full blooded navajo. (He looks like geronimo lol). We have not encountered any racism in our long marriage. Nor have I encountered racism overall on this site (except for a few who never last long here).

I have heard before how it is a problem among some ethnic groups. Im sorry it is so rampant in your family. Unfortunately you cant change their views, but you can change how it affects you. I learned this a long time ago with a problem within my family. Perhaps start praying for them every time they do this to you. 

You can be a big influence with your little cousin and show her that the darkness or lightness of skin doesnt change who someone is inside. It doesnt make one better or worse. Let this be your first activism. Encourage her to feel beautiful as she is. 

[missmuffet]

3 hours ago, Kenzie said:

Hi, I’m here again lol. Thanks for all of you who have helped me through my crisis a couple weeks ago. QUESTION:  How do I deal with my family who discriminates  against me because i am darker. Now, I am vulnerable with this topic. I don’t know how racially diverse worthy is, (doesn’t matter) but I don’t know if any of you would understand what I am saying or relate. I am grateful for any advice. Like some of you know, my family is not supportive of my mental health. I can not tell them my issues. So I come here. I am very grateful for all of you, truly! Here is a pic of me and my family. 

My parents: https://pin.it/4fq4tdv7dcivh6

me, my sister, my sister in law: I’m in the middle, my sister is on the right. Sister in law is on the left. https://pin.it/mtbq7bh2j7mqp4

Anyway, I’m a black young women (17). For all of you who don’t know what colorism is. It is “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group”.

Colorism is a huge problem in the black community. In my experience, among some people I know and in society, dark skin is looked down upon. 

The thing is, colorism is a topic that makes people uncomfortable. I think because no one wants to admit that it exist. And because they may be colorist aswell.

So here’s my problem, my immediate family is very colorist. This started with my mother who is of darker skin. Now, both my parents are black but my father is lighter skin. His complexion is more like George Lopez, while my moms is like Naomi Campbell. I have 5 sibling. My older brother and myself take after our moms complexion and my younger sister and younger 2 brothers take after my dads.

Well you would think that my mother would not have a problem with having darker kids but she does. She projects her self hatred onto me. She has been verbally (& physically) abusive to me since I was 8. Whenever she wants to insult me, she targets my skintone, which is the same as hers, and also my hair and weight. 

She has uplifted my siblings as better and more beautiful than me because of their lighter skin. She makes comments indirectly about their hair and skin as being better than mine. It hurts. It hurts because she has brainwashed this to them, making them believe that they are better than darker people like myself. It hurts because i am singled out and this has been going since I was a young child . My mom is a narcissist so she really won’t accept blame. We have a looooonnngg history of just craziness. We have been doing better, but we never got along. I was always to blame. But that’s besides the point really. 

I have never struggled with accepting my skin; (blessing), but my low self esteem was because of my weight and I just think I am ugly. I recently realized that what is going on in my family is NOT okay! I have talked to my parents about this and how satan wants to divide our people. And colorism is a trick he uses. While they accept what I’m saying, they continue to make these comments. I am gaslighted all the time about  being over sensitive when I get upset. 

For example, the reason I am writing this is because 10 minutes ago we were having family time and I told my dad that his comment about my brothers girlfriend was disrespectful and colorist. Of course he denied it. But then my sister jumped in and began to scold me. BTW, she is VERY vain and thinks that she is better because she is lighter. She doesn’t understand the struggles dark skin women face. My sister thinks she is prettier than me because of her skin. And for the comments people make about her being prettier than me because she is lighter. 

I’m sorry that this is so long. It is just that I’m very sad rn and feel less than. As much as I try to stay strong, their comments get to me and sometimes I question myself. I have always took pride in my skin but other areas I struggle (body). I hate when people are sad. Especially when other little darker girls hate their skin because of colorism and society. For example, my younger cousin who is 4 believes she would be prettier if she had light skin. It happens in the black community a lot. The media influence has a lot to do with it aswell as the whole slavery stuff. But I want to be an activist and a lawyer one day. And tackle problems like this. I know colorism is also a problem in India and south Asian counties.  Anyway, if you made it this far God bless you lol ?! Any advice is needed. Please pray that I can strive forward, I just feel drained and forgotten . I’m trying to do better and listen to god... but I admit I am struggling. Thank you, love all of you !?

God does not see color only the heart. Everyone has the same color heart. 

[Christdiedforoursins]

Jesus Christ died for you he loves you so much .God created us all in his image .its easier to focus on what God thinks of you than what other people do.Jesus was dispised and rejected by his own people too and was ultimately handed over to be crucified he forgave his enemies and tought us how to love each other .we must pray for those who hate us love our enemies. I'll be praying that They might be saved I'll encourage you to pray that God will help you in you situation to be a light to your family overcome evil with good .may Jesus bless you may you know your greatly loved and that Jesus understands .you can read about how he struggled in the bible with people who didn't like or agree with him  or even hated him how he was betrayed by a friend etc.how all his diciples left him one denied him etc.hopefully this can help you. Charm is decietfull and beauty is fading but a woman who fears the lord will be praised.my Dear sister its better if women of God dress modestly with shame facedness not with gold Jewls and costly array but with sobriety we !UST adorn ourselvescwith good works ...did you know the white dress of the bride of Christ is good works of the church ? I don't think you should be to worried about what others think of you trust in Jesus who died for our sins put your faith in him let his spirit lead you into all truth .often when I have a problem with some one I Remember what Jesus said .take the log out of your own eye  so that we can see clearly before we try to take the speck out of someone else's eye.God can help us with our own problems if were willing and ask him to help us but we often can't sort out other peoples problems .may you rise above all this .may Jesus fill your heart with love for anyone who is hurting you .you don't have to put yourself in a situation where your being hurt if you can avoid it but it sound like your just fine with who you are and how God created you.May Jesus give you peace and strength may you know Gods love for you.

Here in is love not that we loved God but that he loved us and gave his son to be a propitiation for our sins.

I'll share something with you when I  was younger living in a village with Tswana tribes I started to want to be more african almost it was very strange.i never felt like this before.I realised we all bring glory to God as his creation were all totally different.I suppose I wanted to fit in almost  and i loved many of the people I was living with like family and saw how beautiful the Tswana people are I wanted to be just like everyone I was living with.  so I can relate to you a bit .in life there are some things we can change and some things we can't our attitude's about things and understanding of who we are as children of God these things are what matters most.in Jesus Christ were all one .we all need each other and are valuable to the body of Christ .let's pray together about all this ? Gods word is like a mirror for our souls the more we look into it the more like Christ we become .don't compare yourself with anyone Jesus died for us to make us  just like him .the problem was never our appearance but our souls were sick .Jesus came to forgive our sins.to save sinnersfrom the consequences of our sins which is death and to give us eternal life and set us free from bondage to sin .

Edited December 22, 2019 by Christdiedforoursins
Wanted to add some text

[enoob57]

2 Cor 10:7

7 Do ye look on things after the outward appearance? If any man trust to himself that he is Christ's, let him of himself think this again, that, as he is Christ's, even so are we Christ's.
KJV

1 Sam 16:7

7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
KJV

 So if God bothers not to look there why do we?

[ladypeartree]

You say that your relatives would prefer lighter skin so why is it that so many so called white people spend a huge amount of money trying  to make their skin darker with chemicals and so called tanning salons ?  You are made in Gods image so are you thinking God is ugly ?  

My parents spent all my childhood " teasing " me and I grew up "knowing " my older sister was more intelligent than I was my younger sister more pretty than I  and both of them far better behaved so I simply ignored even when it hurt and went ahead and got my degree ( the only one who did ) and lived the best life I could no matter what anyone else thought IT IS YOUR LIFE  ignore what others think if you want to be a lawyer you will need a thicker skin to survive xxx

Praying for you 

[FresnoJoe]

23 hours ago, Kenzie said:

Hi, I’m here again lol. Thanks for all of you who have helped me through my crisis a couple weeks ago. QUESTION:  How do I deal with my family who discriminates  against me because i am darker. Now, I am vulnerable with this topic. I don’t know how racially diverse worthy is, (doesn’t matter) but I don’t know if any of you would understand what I am saying or relate. I am grateful for any advice. Like some of you know, my family is not supportive of my mental health. I can not tell them my issues. So I come here. I am very grateful for all of you, truly! H

 

Anyway, I’m a black young women (17). For all of you who don’t know what colorism is. It is “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group”.

Colorism is a huge problem in the black community. In my experience, among some people I know and in society, dark skin is looked down upon. 

The thing is, colorism is a topic that makes people uncomfortable. I think because no one wants to admit that it exist. And because they may be colorist as well.

So here’s my problem, my immediate family is very colorist. This started with my mother who is of darker skin. Now, both my parents are black but my father is lighter skin. His complexion is more like George Lopez, while my moms is like Naomi Campbell. I have 5 sibling. My older brother and myself take after our moms complexion and my younger sister and younger 2 brothers take after my dads.

Well you would think that my mother would not have a problem with having darker kids but she does. She projects her self hatred onto me. She has been verbally (& physically) abusive to me since I was 8. Whenever she wants to insult me, she targets my skin tone, which is the same as hers, and also my hair and weight. 

She has uplifted my siblings as better and more beautiful than me because of their lighter skin. She makes comments indirectly about their hair and skin as being better than mine. It hurts. It hurts because she has brainwashed this to them, making them believe that they are better than darker people like myself. It hurts because i am singled out and this has been going since I was a young child . My mom is a narcissist so she really won’t accept blame. We have a looooonnngg history of just craziness. We have been doing better, but we never got along. I was always to blame. But that’s besides the point really. 

I have never struggled with accepting my skin; (blessing), but my low self esteem was because of my weight and I just think I am ugly. I recently realized that what is going on in my family is NOT okay! I have talked to my parents about this and how Satan wants to divide our people. And colorism is a trick he uses. While they accept what I’m saying, they continue to make these comments. I am gas lighted all the time about  being over sensitive when I get upset. 

For example, the reason I am writing this is because 10 minutes ago we were having family time and I told my dad that his comment about my brothers girlfriend was disrespectful and colorist. Of course he denied it. But then my sister jumped in and began to scold me. BTW, she is VERY vain and thinks that she is better because she is lighter. She doesn’t understand the struggles dark skin women face. My sister thinks she is prettier than me because of her skin. And for the comments people make about her being prettier than me because she is lighter. 

I’m sorry that this is so long. It is just that I’m very sad rn and feel less than. As much as I try to stay strong, their comments get to me and sometimes I question myself. I have always took pride in my skin but other areas I struggle (body). I hate when people are sad. Especially when other little darker girls hate their skin because of colorism and society. For example, my younger cousin who is 4 believes she would be prettier if she had light skin. It happens in the black community a lot. The media influence has a lot to do with it aswell as the whole slavery stuff. But I want to be an activist and a lawyer one day. And tackle problems like this. I know colorism is also a problem in India and south Asian counties.  Anyway, if you made it this far God bless you lol ?! Any advice is needed. Please pray that I can strive forward, I just feel drained and forgotten . I’m trying to do better and listen to god... but I admit I am struggling. Thank you, love all of you !?

Our God

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Psalms 139:14-18

Is The Great LORD Of Diversity 

After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands; Revelation 7:9

Think About His Amazing Love And Be Filled With Joy

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

Love, Joe

Edited December 23, 2019 by FresnoJoe

[other one]

 

May seem like a frivolous joke, but it really isn't....     it's not what color we are or male or female short hair or long, pretty or not....    what makes us, us is who we are and how we react to each other.  Your mother has a real problem.....   and it's not with you, it is something within herself....   don't let her problem mess up your life.

And btw I looked at your pictures and you really are pretty.....     Just remember that your mother doesn't have a problem with you, she has a problem with herself....   and for your own protection and peace of mind you should just realize that and forgive her even though she hasn't asked for it....    love her and treat her with respect and honor for she is your mother.....    and as time goes along she'll pick up on it from you that it really doesn't matter.....      just don't be the ugly thing she tries to make you out to be in her mind.   Be your loving self in spite of her feelings  and maybe you can teach her that it really doesn't matter.    I don't know how old your mother is, but I'm 72 and I have to remember that when I was the age you look like in your picture, darkness did matter to a lot of people...    Most of us have grown out of that but your mom seems to need some help....   but if she's taking in out on you she has more than just skin tone as a problem...  showing favoritism to any of your children is showing something wrong with any parent....   and it is hardly ever a problem with the kids.   

Last BTW my wife is mostly native American and I'm about as white as white comes.....   we've been together for 50 years....   light dark harry or slick....    it's what's running around in your head and comes out one's mouth that matters....    just be the lovely person inside, that you are on the outside and let your mother deal with her own problems.