Sin Confrontation Dilemma

[David Minjoon]

Hello brothers and sisters of faith! I have a concern that's been bothering me for days already. ind you it's quite a long one but please do hear me out. i don't know what to do in this dilemma.

My family and I lives in Japan and have been living here for a very long time now. Back in our home country, we have our aunts, uncles, cousins and everyone else in our extended family. One of my mom's brother and his family had been struggling financially all their life. So as a concerned sister, my mother wanted to help them. As a form of help. my mom got my uncles youngest daughter (my cousin), who's my age, to live with us for 3 months to somehow earn a living and have something to send to her family from time to time. While she was living with us, there was no problem. She was very obedient to my mom and did earn a living somehow. She met a Japanese man on the process. They went on multiple getaways and vacations together with his colleagues and her colleagues as well. Sometimes, my mom was with them as chaperone (so my mom has met the guy) Eventually, the man fell in love with her, I cannot say for sure about her. However since her visa was just temporary, she needs to go back to our home country. She ran away for days, we cannot contact her and eventually she went over her period of stay. So now, she's already an illegal alien. The guy doesn't know where she is as well.

After some time, we were able to contact her. She doesn't want to go home already. She and my mom had a lengthy discussion about it. The guy who's in love with her also persuaded her to go back home. He said he had plans on marrying her so just endure the one-year no-entry policy and after a year, go back here and they would marry. (In Japan, if an illegal alien surrendered to the immigration willfully after an overstay, they penalty of no entry is only one year. if the person did not surrender and was caught by authorities the penalty is graver, so the Japanese man was persuading my cousin to surrender and endure the one-year no entry penalty). She eventually caved in. The Japanese man promised to support her even if she's back in our home country, he said he would support whatever it is that she wanted to do. So my cousin, told him she wanted to take Japanese language classes, she wanted to take a short course of hair dressing and make-up classes, and also driving lessons. The man agreed to support her with that with the condition of constant communication. So my cousin went back home and as promised the man send monthly allowance to my cousin to cover for the fees of the classes she wants to take. The amount is quite big, it was more than enough. The first months were okay. Until last March, 2019, when the Japanese man took a one-week vacation leave from work to fly to our home country and visit my cousin. He was accompanied by 3 of his friends, and my cousin took one of our other cousin to accompany her as well. The went to different beaches and even wen island hopping. And after the trip was over, the Japanese men back to Japan and my cousins went home. Now this is where it all turned out bad.

This August, I flew to our home country to join the celebration of our Grandfather's birthday. We went to the beach and had fun. I overheard our aunts talking about my cousin and joined the conversation. That is when they all told me what was really happening. But first, I just want to point out that when I arrived and saw my cousin, she was bigger than when she was in Japan with us, bigger as in gained weight, I was shocked, because she's not the type of person who's a big eater, so that was kind of strange for me, but didn't mind it, maybe she had changed her ways, I thought. Anyway, going back to our aunts, they confessed to me what was happening. It turns out, she's been betraying the Japanese man and the money that he sends her are not being put into good use (1) she has a boyfriend right now, AND MIGHT BE PREGNANT. One of our cousins said she accompanied her to an ultrasound session, but doesn't know the result, so SHE MIGHT BE PREGNANT. (2) She hasn't been attending the classes she said she would do, in fact she didn't even enroll in any of the three classes she said she wanted. (3) She's been frequently travelling the country with her "friends" partying and attending car shows. (4) SHE BOUGHT HER BOYFRIEND A CAR. ALL FROM THE MONEY THAT THE JAPANESE MAN SENDS HER.  And (5), this is the worst, remember the trip last March, where the Japanese man and three of his friends flew to meet my cousin and one of my other cousin tagged along? my cousin who tagged along confessed that my cousin had been intimate and slept together with THE FRIEND OF THE JAPANESE MAN THAT'S BEEN SUPPORTING MY COUSIN and my cousin told my other cousin that she did that because the man she slept with was the one she loved and not the one who's been supporting her. I was in shock. I was feeling a lot of emotions at that time. One, I was worried about what is going to happen if the Japanese man found out. Two, I was mad, how could she do this? Three, I was ashamed, for her, for our family, and also for the people of our nation. What if the Japanese man finds out about this, what would he think about the people of our nation? He would think that we are a nation who takes advantage of people. This was very shameful.

September 1, 2019, I told my mom everything and she confirmed it with my aunts. She's been contacting my cousin, facebook messages, facetime, video calls, to no avail. My mom message her that she wants to talk and why she hasn't been answering. She told my mom that she doesn't want to talk to her because she doesn't want my mom to be stressed and she would talk to her when she flies back to our country. The situation is, my mom is in no position to fly to our country right now, she has work, my father and my sister does too. Me on the other hand am still in our home country and won't be back to Japan until October. So we don't have a choice but to do it over the phone but she refuses. I tried talking to her as well but she never meets me. 

Her betrayal to the Japanese man has been going on for months now. In fact my cousin's father talked to my mom a few days ago and told my mom to explain the situation and tell the Japanese man to stop with the money remittances already because of what his daughter is doing. And I agreed. my cousin has been sinning for quite a long time already and as Christians, and as her family, we should cut the source of her sins as early as now so it wouldn't be a bigger issue in the future. It's better to end it now, than to have a bigger catastrophe later on. But my mother second guesses herself on doing it, since she's the only one who's met the Japanese guy, she should do it, but my mom insists that my cousin should be the first to realize her sin and come clean herself and that's the time she's going to step in to help her and pay the Japanese man the money she spent. But by doing that, she's just prolonging the sin, and poor Japanese man, doesn't know he's been cheated on already. Please help me brothers and sisters of faith, how do I persuade my mom to tell the Japanese guy of what my cousin has been doing and to tell him to stop with the money support already. If were to do this, are we doing the right thing of exposing my cousin to the Japanese man? Please help me discern what to do. I have been feeling guilty about this for days already, I'm not even the one who's been doing the dirty work. I can't sleep, I have been anxious everyday. What do I do? Please help and enlighten me with your opinions.

David Minjoon. 

[Debp]

17 minutes ago, David Minjoon said:

but my mom insists that my cousin should be the first to realize her sin and come clean herself and that's the time she's going to step in to help her and pay the Japanese man the money she spent. But by doing that, she's just prolonging the sin, and poor Japanese man, doesn't know he's been cheated on already.

It doesn't sound like your cousin is convicted of her sins yet.   It seems she doesn't seem interested in repenting and believing on Christ.   Perhaps if the Japanese man is told the truth and cuts off sending the money each month....then perhaps your cousin might start to feel the penalty of her sins.

For your cousin to keep receiving the money, this is enabling her to continue her sinful lifestyle.   Please explain that to your mother.

This is an awful situation for the Japanese man since he wanted to marry her and was willing to help her so much.

[other one]

Well, that certainly is an awkward place to find yourself in...    So far I have changed my mind about what I would do about it three times in the last two minutes...  mainly because it is hard to vision anything good coming from anything I can think of doing....     Your mom is right in that it would be much better if your cousin came to her senses, but that's not likely to happen unless the Lord gets involved....  

I think I have settled with the idea of telling my cousin that if she didn't end it I was going to go talk with the man....    but one way or another the man is going to find out what's happening and what kind of wife would she be to him when he found out....    your cousin has pretty much ended that dream herself.

[AnOrangeCat]

I'm sorry to hear about this situation. It's really terrible. There are two Bible verses springing to mind with regards to your cousin and confronting others about sin. Galatians 6:1 advises us to be gentle about it. But as we see in Matthew 18:15 and the following verses, if they don't listen to you privately then bring others with you. If they choose to continue in sin even then the Bible recommends cutting off contact with them. The element of social pressure and consequences are really important. It's a form of discipline and tough love in cases like this. With regards to the Japanese man, yes, he needs to know. Preferably sooner rather than later since he's effectively being robbed at this point.