Matthew 18:15-17

[JaiDW]

10 minutes ago, Deborah_ said:

Divorce is a last resort.

It may well be that, after 6 years, all other options have been explored already, but if not, one way of putting Matthew 18:15-17 into practice would be for them to seek marriage counselling.

Counseling is a great option and will soon be my profession.

Some questions to ask when considering a counselor 

Should they be Christian

Does this person have a long lasting marriage themselves

If not do they have a understanding of the Bible if they  Christian  and are decoted to saving marriages 

More importantly do u want to save the marriage just like in Fireproof yes I know its a movie but its real. Are  U gonna do the word and allow God to do a work in U forget about the other person. Let God deal with them and  .  It may be through how u behave.

[JaiDW]

3 minutes ago, *Zion* said:

Then you'd be doing exactly what she has for 6+ yrs.  But thanks for your replies and your prayers.

At this point honestly  i would fast for three days and ask God to give me a response  and seek His face bc im not going  to be doing anything He doesn't want me to do. 

 

[*Zion*]

Yep.  She has sought God in much the same way.  I have been there with her  

[AllTheGoodNamesAreTaken]

17 minutes ago, *Zion* said:

Yep.  She has sought God in much the same way.  I have been there with her  

What are your thoughts sis ? You are a good friend.

I'll be praying.

[*Zion*]

Abe, I honestly don't think she wants to divorce, but she feels desperately trapped.  She is very vulnerable right now, it's like the tiniest thing will threaten to push her over the edge into I don't what.  She is so beaten down, and yet she still dares to trust in God.  If it were not for this, I would be so discouraged for her.  As I said, he is very deliberate about his behaviour.  I would classify it as abuse, but that's me.

I think God is storing up this man's end.  Let him fulfill his wishes, and then making face his own consequences.  I don't blame her for wishing to leave him at all.  But I do think if she does stick it out, God will show her just how awesomely He is going to come through for her, and that this man will get his just desserts.  

What you sow, you reap.  She will reap love from the Lord.  I shudder to think what this man will reap.  

 

 

[Ezra]

4 hours ago, *Zion* said:

I have a dear friend who is struggling with her marriage.  Her love has been unrequited since very soon after they wed.  That was around 6 years ago, and I myself saw the difference.  She is wondering about these verses, and wants to know if she can divorce her husband on terms of deliberate emotional neglect.  What does God say about this situation?

They have two young kids, and she feels very much isolated and alone.

Here is the portion of scripture.

 

Matthew 18:15-17:

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’[a] 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

Zion,

First of all, this is indeed a very sad situation, and perhaps the marriage was a mistake to begin with. Regardless, if both spouses are Christians, there is nothing to stop your friend from asking the elders of her church to sit down with both of them in strict confidentiality and bring the issue out in the open. Evidently there is a spiritual problem with the husband and they need sound spiritual counsel. Perhaps there could be a resolution, perhaps not. At the same time no one can get someone else to love another person. Only the Lord can change hearts.  Divorce is a last resort and can be devastating to children.

[AllTheGoodNamesAreTaken]

2 hours ago, *Zion* said:

Abe, I honestly don't think she wants to divorce, but she feels desperately trapped.  She is very vulnerable right now, it's like the tiniest thing will threaten to push her over the edge into I don't what.  She is so beaten down, and yet she still dares to trust in God.  If it were not for this, I would be so discouraged for her.  As I said, he is very deliberate about his behaviour.  I would classify it as abuse, but that's me.

I think God is storing up this man's end.  Let him fulfill his wishes, and then making face his own consequences.  I don't blame her for wishing to leave him at all.  But I do think if she does stick it out, God will show her just how awesomely He is going to come through for her, and that this man will get his just desserts.  

What you sow, you reap.  She will reap love from the Lord.  I shudder to think what this man will reap.  

 

 

I don't know them, but do you think he may be trying to ( whether consciously or not ) push her into a decision that he is unwilling or unable to make himself ?

[*Zion*]

The thought has crossed my mind many times, but when she does talk about how she thinks about leaving him, she says he gets very desperate about making things up to her.  Then they're ok for about a week.  After that it's rinse repeat.  It's very draining for her.  I really can't figure out what he's getting off of all this pain he's causing her.  If anyone can deduce anything from this patter i would be happy to share with her what's going on,  Much of the problem is she can't find the root of the problem in order to uproot it.

[hmbld]

I fear I may not contribute anything that would be accepted, as I have to say Jeff makes sense to me.  Often, it seems when someone has complaints, needs, poor thoughts of another, it can be projection.  

 

Now noob supplied this passage:

o the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

 

Now I don't see where feelings come into play in following the word of the Lord.  Is it hard, why yes of course.  Could following the Word possibly bring this husband to see Christ in her?  Why does God bring people into our lives that are hard, maybe downright impossible to love?  Loving in the face of unloving is nearly unheard of.  So do we make decisions based on our feelings or on the Word of God?  You may think me hard, maybe I am.  Even now, I am on the brink of severe depression, which makes no sense if I value God's word over all.  Life is hard, how do we see/hear God in the midst of all this confusion?

As for storing up a man's end, I only pray the end is loving God, I dare not wish the other on anyone, the mere suggestion makes me cringe for them.

[*Zion*]

Hmbld, first of all, as I already told Jeff, it was not what he said, but how he said it.  It just wasn't helping at all.  I do understand what you are saying about seperation, but again, the husband claims to be born again in Christ. 

Unfortunately feelings are very powerful.  We can make one another feel really good or really bad, would you not agree?  And once again, I am repeating myself, although she feels very trampled on, she still has her faith and trust in God.  She is waiting for His solution, and she just wants to know what it is, especially as she feels so very trapped.

I do not wish anything bad on the husband either, again, I said I shudder at the consequences he may incur upon himself, for the only one who can make him decide to allow the Lord to change him, is him.

What my friend needs is God's truth in God's love.  Mercy, rather than sacrifice kind of thing.  It takes more than technicalities to deal with people the right way.  God's Word is no technicality, but anyone can take it and twist it to fit whatever meaning they want.  Not saying that that's what you did, it's just that the letter killeth but the Spirit gives life. 

God bless you.