Matthew 18:15-17

[gdemoss]

I  continuing on my journey of discovery and what I have found is that there is always more to the story than what is being told.  

I am working with a man who wants a divorce for very similar reasons.  I sat and listened to him.  Then after he finished I began to show him that he was as much at fault as she was which he did not like seeing those things about himself.  He spoke of himself as a loving, understanding, accepting and wonderful person which he actually  believed was true.  I showed him by his own words that he was quite the opposite and that he blamed all of his poor behaviors on her while seeking to look like an innocent victim.

These things are hard.  They require good discernment and judgement.  It amazes me what we are blind too in ourselves as well as others.  When I first began dating my wife I had no idea that she was fairly overweight. One day down the road I began to have a problem with her weight.  We went back and looked at photos from when we first got together and there was all the evidence in the world that she came  into the relationship on the heavier side.  I was shocked.  Truth be told I was just glad to have her in the first place because she was all about me....and so was I.

You won't be able to find fair counsel on worthy regarding the issue because there will be much hidden that wont surface.  

Divorce is always an option but never the desire of God.  God would rather people would die to themselves and live unto God.  Those who do would have no use for divorce.

[*Zion*]

Thanks Gary.

Number 1, she has no issue with his appearance, she didn't marry him for that, so...

Number 2, she repeatedly asks him what is so wrong with her that he treats her the way he does.  He says there's nothing wrong with her and that she is just wonderful.  Notice that he doesn't deny that he does treat her poorly.

Number 3, she is all about the Lord, and then all about him.  I tell her that that there is her problem.  She can't help it though.  She feels selfish if she doesn't think about their life that way.  But I think there is a difference between being selfish and protecting yourself.  If you surround yourself with negativity all day with no escape... is numbing herself to everything the answer?  

Number 4, kids are starting to take after Daddy.  I've seen it with my own eyes.

There might be more to it, there might not.  I'm just relaying what I have seen.

God bless you

[*Zion*]

Jeff: Be indifferent to emotion.  Transcend emotion... Well now, that's Buddhism

Do you think Christ was on earth walking around like some kind of robot?  Do you think He got His disciples to follow Him because He was dazzlingly obnoxious about everyone around Him?  

He Himself was a man of sorrows, and many thought Him afflicted of God.

Again, not helping.  But if you'd like to try again, that's fine by me.

I did ask what God says about this, but not what Jeff says.  Once again, I'm not after technicality, I'm after His truth in His love.

Just saying.

[JaiDW]

20 hours ago, Deborah_ said:

17 hours ago, Ezra said:

Zion,

 

I think Jeff might have been trying to add more love.

after praying about this the scripture "after you have done all stand therefore" came to mind.

One preacher put it this way, the Roman army in battle would slay every enemy they could find and when a soldier thought he was finished in battle he would look around for more enemies. Hot. sore. tired. achy. In general pain. But they stood therefore.

Although I agree with you Zion, the truth should be said in love.

Jeff's last post may actually be what God is saying.

I would be cold bloodedly honest with myself bc God sees the heart of man. And make sure that there isnt any resentment, anger, unforgiveness,

I know this can be hard in any type of relationship, but is she seeing him after the Spirit not after the flesh?

Like Jeff said confess positive instead of negative....this helps to renew your mind.

As a mother i felt nothing towards my son and was heavily considering giving him for adoption. 

I spoke with some leaders at my church and they said meditate on love scriptures and confess positive things. O gosh there were times id be in public whispering those scriptures so i didnt lose it. And at first it was hard to confess right things about my son....i had to really work hard it...i spent a lot of time quiet.... if you  dont have anything nice to say dont say it all....ya kno.

Now he is five i love this kid with all I have and I know God put it there. I cant say one negative about him. I dont see life with out him either.

Gods word is alive and active like a double edge sword dividing bone and marrow soul and spirit.

She can do all the right things but from what i can tell in this post her heart is not in it. There has to be a point where we decide that GODS WILL be done regardless of how we feel.

Jesus is the perfect example one of my favorite images of His level of obedience and honor to God. He said with blood dripping from His brow Father if there be any other way.....the best part....God was Silent......then Jesus said not my will but urs b done and He died on the cross for us. It wasn't based on His feeling or even His beloved desciples who would have preferred He stay alive.

Again she has to choose. Her heart attitude could be what God is working on.

Anyway srry about Jeffs last reply, I quoted him but....

After giving this my heart i think Go to leadership if we aren't able to here God bc our emotions are in the way then we go to leadership.

Other posters are right about the host of issues this will cause the children if it isnt the Lords will.

Keep listening out for Him....He will make it super clear. We may not always get the answer we want but He answers  every time.

[Dakila777]

This is an emotional abuse. I had a best friend once, who was in a similar situation. I tried to help her; unfortunately, despite the opportunities given to her by God, she lacked the faith to follow through. And so she is still trapped, and we're not friends anymore.

Your friend should really consider separation (not divorce). I'm no expert, but that is the advice given by a pastor I trust and respect to those who are being abused in their marriage. If you want, I can PM you some links to resources you can study.

[JaiDW]

10 minutes ago, Dakila777 said:

This is an emotional abuse. I had a best friend once, who was in a similar situation. I tried to help her; unfortunately, despite the opportunities given to her by God, she lacked the faith to follow through. And so she is still trapped, and we're not friends anymore.

Your friend should really consider separation (not divorce). I'm no expert, but that is the advice given by a pastor I trust and respect to those who are being abused in their marriage. If you want, I can PM you some links to resources you can study.

I understand but what about Her pastor the person that God placed over her...He may not say the same thing  any over are saying. If He truly is following the Lord he is going to say what Gods will is. We have to repsect the authorities God has placed over us. 

I gp back to my original statement that sharing these very difficult times with many can continue to aid in confusion.

Zion I think you should leave us out of it and let her Spiritual  Mother and Father handle it whether it be continue praying, counseling, or divorce. And let this be done without every ones opinion.

This has been a great discussion but i dont feel comfortable adding more, this is outside my jurisdiction

Love u Zion

Im praying 

May God come throug expediently

[*Zion*]

25 minutes ago, Dakila777 said:

This is an emotional abuse. I had a best friend once, who was in a similar situation. I tried to help her; unfortunately, despite the opportunities given to her by God, she lacked the faith to follow through. And so she is still trapped, and we're not friends anymore.

Your friend should really consider separation (not divorce). I'm no expert, but that is the advice given by a pastor I trust and respect to those who are being abused in their marriage. If you want, I can PM you some links to resources you can study.

That's helpful, thanks I shall pass this on.  It would at least show her that she's not the one going crazy

[Dakila777]

1 minute ago, *Zion* said:

That's helpful, thanks I shall pass this on.  It would at least show her that she's not the one going crazy

Just tell me if/when you want those resources.

[*Zion*]

6 minutes ago, JaiDW said:

 

Zion I think you should leave us out of it and let her Spiritual  Mother and Father handle it whether it be continue praying, counseling, or divorce. And let this be done without every ones opinion.

This has been a great discussion but i dont feel comfortable adding more, this is outside my jurisdiction

Love u Zion

Im praying 

May God come throug expediently

I wasn't going to relay everything everyone has said as gospel truth, just wanted to help her in some way.  Whatever will happen, I trust and she does too that God is in control.  I just wanted to ease her burden.

[*Zion*]

Excellent news!  God has finally gotten through to the husband, and it was just something as simple and as fundamental as obeying the call of God in his life.  After that acknowledgement and repentance, their world is turned around 180!  God is so merciful and good, and we give Him all the glory!  Thanks for all the advice, and prayers if you have prayed.  It's like new, I can see it on her face.  Praise be to Jesus!!!