the spectre of darkness and suicide...need to vent

[Guest]

I am seriously damaged goods.

 

May God see fit to recover me!

 

 

Hallelujah~!

Then said I, Woe is me!

 

for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips,

 

and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.

 

Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar:

 

And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged.

 

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?

 

Then said I, Here am I; send me. Isaiah 6:5-8

 

And Amen~!

 

For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy;

 

I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit,

 

to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones. Isaiah 57:15

 

~

 

Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not;

 

until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come. Psalms 71:18

 

Love, Your Brother Joe

[Littlelambseativy]

You say God created you and gave you the life you have..yes, God created you, but the life you have consists of choices you made with or without God. You have free will to choose or not to choose to do things that will make you happy or not...we all do. God does not dictate our lives. If we are surrendered to him for direction and guidance He will lead us but we still choose to follow even then. Sometimes he lets us fall flat on our face before the cross before we see that WE not He made wrong choices and live with those consequences. You need to ask God to take your live and fully direct it for His honour and Glory...ask Him what His will is for your life.

[Pete66]

If I may be blunt.....you have to learn how to be you.  I also started my Christian life at full speed, and very soon  jumped into ministry with both feet and it was an awesome time... but I had an eye on being a pulpit pounder in front of a mega church and God had a different idea.  I was fortunate to have a friend who felt no compunction about grabbing me by the nose and slapping me around a bit unto I was in a state to listen.    And God finally got my attention.

 

we are trees.....we don't GO into our ministries...we GROW into them.  God has set us on the path of our service and  when we try and change that course things go awry, the train jumps the track.

 

Take time now to grow into yourself, rebuilt the foundation in you and you will find opportunities will present themselves to you.  They may not be in the way you expect or even frankly, want. But they are the best for us.  God gave you a nature, and He gave it to you for a reason...HIS reason.   When you have reached solid ground and are back in a good place I am sure God will show it to you.  Right now, if your anything like me, if he told you what it was, you would probably jump right in. But the time is not yet...soon...but not yet

 

Sure, you can be blunt. I prefer that (well, at least that's my claim hehehe)

 

"Grow into yourself" - a curious bit of advice. Sounds rather self-centred which, according to many, is not appropriate. Not saying I disagree with you but curious to find someone who thinks in that manner.

 

"soon....but not yet" - we'll see if it is "soon" or even a "yet".

 

Thanks for the feedback.

[Pete66]

You say God created you and gave you the life you have..yes, God created you, but the life you have consists of choices you made with or without God. You have free will to choose or not to choose to do things that will make you happy or not...we all do. God does not dictate our lives. If we are surrendered to him for direction and guidance He will lead us but we still choose to follow even then. Sometimes he lets us fall flat on our face before the cross before we see that WE not He made wrong choices and live with those consequences. You need to ask God to take your live and fully direct it for His honour and Glory...ask Him what His will is for your life.

Thanks, Littlelamb. Appreciate the earnest sincerity in your response.

[Pro1728]

Hi,

 

This could be a moot point, as the post is over a month old, but just in case...Maybe I'm missing something, but did we all just pass by the possibility that you are genuinely depressed? I've struggled with clinical depression most of my life. It's doable now, but there were really dark periods when I truly doubted God and His promises. Depression can be caused by chemical embalances, but it feels like much more than that and the longer it goes on, the more one withdraws from others and the darker things get. It's not necessarily something one can just pray about and God will lift it. There are physiological consquences of life in a fallen world, and this is one of them. Playing guinea pig in search of the proper medication is pretty awful, but considering the alternative...it's worth it in the end. Then your brain will have the energy and clarity to figure out the rest of what's going on and hear what God has for you next. You are correct, Satan DOES love to seek and destroy and this is one handy weapon he has. He especially loves to go after "dangerous" people--you are his enemy, remember. He often hits hard after a "mountain top" experience, just look at Elijah!