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Hi. I have not been on here in a while. But I hope all of you are well. My reason for posting this is, I hope you will pray for my family. When i go, I don’t want them to feel much pain for me, but I just don’t believe I could get better through people praying for me. So I already have a plan. I just ask for you guys to pray for them. There are many people on here who have prayed for me so thank you. Maybe this is an outcry for something idk, but I decided that it will not get better for me. My social anxiety has DESTROYED my life. My faith is non existent. I am just a lonely HS senior whose tried God and the church. But I don’t want to go into detail about my life, there’s too much. There are probably people out there who are much worse, but they are stronger than me. Farewell.

Hi, I just wanted to ask about the way forward. I'm in a great relationship with my girlfriend for 14 months, but recently I saw my ex by chance and she is self harming and has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and had attempted suicide. She was also sexually abused as a child and raped at the age of 19. She is seeing a psychologist as well. She confided in me about why things spiralled. (Was in a relationship with a narcissist and ended up feeling worthless)So how, if at all, should I be there for her? And should I make a passive or active effort?

PLEASE READ THIS EVEN THOUGH LONG ( INCLUDES A POEM I WROTE WITH YOU IN MIND) A POEM FOR YOU GUYS WITH A LONG BUT HEARTFELT INTRO: TONIGHT I WAS FEELING DOWN AND QUESTIONING THE MEANING OF MY LIFE. IT WAS THEN THAT GOD LED ME TO WRITE THIS POEM. I FELT LIKE I SHOULD SHARE IT WITH YOU GUYS. I KNOW THERE MUST BE OTHERS OUT THERE WHO FEEL THIS WAY, TOO. SO THIS POEM GOES OUT WITH LOVE FROM ME TO YOU. IT IS DEDICATED TO THOSE WHO STRUGGLE WITH CONFUSION, LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION. WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN STORIES AND UNIQUE REASONS. MINE HAS MUCH TO DO WITH HOW LIMITED I AM BY MY CHRONIC HEALTH ISSUES AND DISABILITIES THAT KEEP ME HOME BOUND. WHAT'S YOUR STORY? SHARE, IF YOU LIKE. I HOPE THIS CAN SPUR ON A DISCUSSION OF WAYS TO COUNTERACT SATAN'S LIES THAT TRY TO DRAG US DOWN. FOR ME THERE IS NOTHING MORE POWERFUL THAN THE CROSS. 1 Corinthians 1:18 "For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God." PLEASE COMMENT. I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!! SOMETIMES I FEEL SOMETIMES I FEEL SO VERY SMALL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS I'M HERE AT ALL I WONDER WHY I'M ON THIS EARTH AND FEEL I HAVEN'T ANY WORTH BUT THEN I THINK THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT AND I MUST WALK BY FAITH, NOT SIGHT FOR IF I TRUST WHAT SCRIPTURES SAY I KNOW IT CAN NOT BE THAT WAY THOUGH FOLKS AT TIMES MAY BE UNKIND THE SAVIOR DIED WITH ME IN MIND HE LOVED ME AND HE TOOK MY PLACE SO ALL MY SINS HE COULD ERASE THERE WILL BE TIMES I FEEL ALONE AND MY LIFE'S PURPOSE SEEMS UNKNOWN BUT SATAN CAN NOT TAKE FROM ME WHAT JESUS DID AT CALVARY! WRITTEN BY TURTLETWO ON 6-19-18 (A POEM THE LORD GAVE ME TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS)

Hi! I'm quite new here. My problem for sure is not that big compared to others (one of the things I find myself being guilty of) My negative outlook started 3rd yr in highschool (age 14 yrs old). I was an overachiever in school. Way back then, I love studying, reading and find no fault in others. Then 3rd yr highschool came, I did not have the grades I perseved myself to have, I started having acne problems and weight gain. I covered it with makeup but still everything is not emotionally stable for me so I unknowingly practiced absentism. I hide whenever someone I know from school comes to our house or when I meet other people in public. That was the point where I just stayed home hiding from everyone; pretending to sleep even with relatives visiting. 4th year highschool came and somehow I redeemed and encourage myself to never be absent on quiz or make excuses just to take exam on special exam days (that's what I did in the past year). So college came, I became indecisive in college of choice while others around me are entering prestigious schools that I thought I could enter but failed in entrance exams. So I settled in provicial college. 1st year up to 2nd year, my coping mechanism (which is hateful and defective) belittle and disrespect the school. I was treated as smart and good looking which I seemed to preen on; proudly separated myself from the group. It was 2 weeks of no one speaking to me, being alone always and I loved it; knowing they where admiring me. Then before the 2nd year of college ends, I think God gave me a push. He failed me a subject that will surely give impact and delay me in school. Failing that subject will be obvious because you won't be able to wear medical uniform. So I remained wearing the school uniform while still getting grades that made me be exempted from exams. 3rd year came, I bounce back from that failed grade and by bounce back I mean God made me the top of the class of that subject. Knowing me, it went to my head. Despite God giving me blessings, I developed this mentality of secretly being happy and wising others to have little failures. I became hateful when others posted in social media their achievements, comparing to mine which up to now, makes me feel small. So 4th year came, it was the most hectic schedule of class. I go to school from 7am then go home almost 8pm. God put me with this class of people who i'm not used to. They give these praises that frontally makes you say 'no, of course not'. I'll give you example: There will be a hard quiz on that day. They will say 'Oh you will obviously get the highest score, totally!' Then I will say 'no, way I didn't review'. It was like that throughout 4th and 5th year (until now they actually do it). The outcome of the quiz result will surprise me because they got better score than me. For short, they were toxic. They feed this tiny voice that is happy when others fail. I made sure I don't associate myself with them as much as our schedule allow. Being with them for 2 years made my standards low, made me realize my failures and I hated myself more because I started giving others opinion the basis of my actions. Medical board exam came. I barely passed it. I know that only my everyday prayers is what saved that passing score. Then I found out they got more than the passing rate. They message me asking my rate, I lied to them by omission. Then they said 'Oh you totally got way past 90' when in actuallity I got way below 79. This solidified my decision to keep on lying about my score and effectively questioning God's ultimate blessing to me (because that board exam is really important). Until today, I'm still buried in lies I blurt out to my family about my rating, about my failed job interview. I'm in constant state of sadness. I sleep morethan being awake. I hurt people who love me the most through hurtfull shoutings. I made promises to those who helped me that until now I haven't fulfilled. Through out those years and presently- I masturbate with this idea then whenever I do it the result would be a badluck throughout the day. Writing this made me realize what I already know- I really don't like me.

Hello, I am in a very serious situation right now and I have no idea what to do about it. I have 9 days to move out of my trailer. I am on disability and only make $847 per month and I am already down to $400 being left in my account. Also, my utilities are in my ex-roommate's name and he moved out Monday so I my power, gas, and Internet can be shut off any time now. I have contacted every agency and apartment complex that I can find and I am getting no support and no help. I am a loner and I'm agoraphobic, severely social phobic, have bad panic and anxiety attacks and do not associate with anyone, really. All I have are 2 of my 4 adult daughters and they are not much help. My youngest is going through things. My 24 year old is stung out on drugs. My 25 year old is in jail and my oldest is in another city. I do not really associate with my mother because of things she's done to me and allowed to happen to me in the past. She is no support whatsoever. I have no one and nothing out here. I used to have my grandparents but they both died and now I am all alone. I have a man but he is in prison. I have 2 old male cats that I love very much and they are my life, but other than my cats, talking to my man on the phone and email, and God...I have no one. For some reason I am not getting anywhere. I have applied for all types of assistance and I am getting no help. I am on disability and am bipolar with psychotic episodes and have PTSD, borderline personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, and schizotypal personality disorder. I have only been out of my house a handfull of times since November of 2009 and I have not driven a car since then either. I am not on my psychiatric meds right now because I had issues with my mental health care provider and plan on suing them. I can't go to a shelter because they are wanting me to put my cats in the animal shelter and I refuse to do that. That would kill my cats and me. My roommate was a 53 year old guy named Greg and he was very abusive, violent, and he spent his time harassing me, invading my privacy, threatening me, stealing from me, and trying to intimidate me. He caused a lot of problems around here for me and my kids and now I have to move out by the 18th of this month. He is a very bad person and he is on the run right now. There is a warrant out on him. He has 9 felonies and he's on probation for battery and has violated probation twice already. He had something going with the lady that works in the office here at the trailer court and she tampered with our lease and made it look like my daughter's name was never on it, he lied and got a protective order on her and got her kicked out of here, and that lady also wrote him a bogus letter stating that my daughter was banned from here. They had NO grounds. All she did was call the cops on my roommate 6 times because he was a threat. The cops kept telling us there was nothing they could do. I got tired of it and complained about that lady to the owner and the next thing I know I am getting a letter stating they are quitting my lease. I am only on here as an occupant. The utilities are in my ex-roommate's name. I am about to be sitting here with no power, nowhere to go, no support, no money, and on and on it goes. I simply do not know what else I can do. I owe the electric company $350, the gas company $65, and the Internet companies money. I have an eviction on my record and I have bad credit due to student loans. My eviction was really not my fault. I lived in my apartment for 5 years and was never late on my rent then new management came in and jacked the rent up really high and I couldn't afford it. I got evicted back in March of 2017 and I have been bouncing around from place to place since. I need a place of my own and to get my bills straightened out and I need people to help me get my life back on track. I have prayed and prayed about this and am getting no results. I need someone to pray for me that God will direct me to the people and resources I need that can help me. I am at my wits end and have nowhere left to turn.

Hello, everyone. I am extremely new to this site. I've searched around for various Christian forums just hoping somebody can help me. I don't mean to offend anybody or bring any type of discomfort to this forum. I especially hope I get no violations. This is a really heavy issue on my heart. I am extremely at the end of my rope with depression and anxiety, but what makes it all worse is how the world views me in this dark body God gave me. I have asked God why this color? Why not make me Asian or Native American? I tried telling myself that He made me black because it pleased him. Why should he care what the world thinks, or form me in the matter what would fit society's standards? I've tried convincing myself that God does not cater to how poorly we human beings view each other. Racism wasn't His fault. He is a supreme being over the created. I've tried convincing myself that only his thoughts about me matter. I've tried looking at the big picture that one day, all of us will unite with him and experience the real TRUTH about EVERYTHING. But none of this convincing is working. Deep down, I know there is nothing wrong with my skin color, or the hair texture that I have, or the physical features. If there was no racism or the harsh systems against my people, I would be able to walk down the street proudly. However, when you live in a world where DAILY, somebody is reminding you that your skin color is a problem, it starts to get to you...for years and years and years and years. It's like beating up a dog everyday where the dog will eventually think it did something wrong. Social Media is a terrible and evil tool for people to manifest their true feelings about me and my race. I have seen so many cruel things, such as: 1. African't (word CAN'T) as if we can't do anything. As if it's in our DNA to fail, or that we need extra help, or that we're born to suffer. 2. It is believed we aren't civilized. No matter how nice I am, or how wide of a smile I put on my face, I will always be regarded as another black animal. I know I tend to fool people once they hear me speak or experience my personality. I always hope that the mugshots shown on the daily news about a murder or robbery isn't of my race because what one black person does, the rest of the black people are also at fault for it. We are not individually judged, but judged as a whole. 3. We have dirt and less developed countries 4. Slavery was our fault (and even if we were handed over by our brothers and sisters, that still does not excuse the terrible unspeakable things that happened to us.) And even when it was 400 years ago, traces of it are still affecting us today. My ancestors didn't get to own businesses or have land passed down through their generation of future families. I was never able to relate to white folks who talk about the family lineage or how far down the they count their family ancestry. I can't. My history is silent, yet it screams of blood. 5. I am guaranteed at least once a month to see somebody say I'm ugly (not directly), or black women are the least desired all over the world, that their own men don't want them, whether it's to an Indian man, Asian man, White man, or even African man. Men of various races always obsess and desire a White woman. it is NEVER ever ever ever ever anybody that looks like me. And I'm not saying I need their approval, but, it will just feel nice to know that I may look beautiful to somebody every once and a while. I will never or hardly ever in my life see a man of any race say something decent about me. We're not on billboards. We're not on TV with commercials glorifying our skin or looks. When I was a kid white Barbie dolls were heavily emphasized in commercials. The other minority dolls only showed up right at the end of the commercial. I broke my mother's heart when I told her to take back the black doll she gave me. We're never even in video games where we can enjoy cool characters. And if we are in video games, we have very insignificant roles. In movies, we're always portrayed in a very stereotypical ways. 6. Other black people make it harder to be black. Like the Mugshot I just spoke of. I can name so many problems, like falling into gang relations, or having an obnoxious loud attitude, or have terrible customer service in various employment. Some stereotypes are unfortunately true, but it affects m as well. 7. We have the worst health issues. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart diseases, mental illness, Sickle Cell, Lupus, and STD crisis; one of the least healthiest people on the planet. 8. We are regarded as less worthy. 9. Everything a black person does is a big deal. While I get that our names may sound funny, we can't even create our own names without ridiculing. No one ever questions why Asian people have the names the have, or the Arabs, and Indians, and other races of people, but if it's a black person, we need to just have white names. What about owning a business. Black businesses are perceived as low quality. Mexicans and Asians can whip up a business and people will flock to them like crazy. We're not allowed to have a bad day or express anger because if we do, we're being violent, or it's the 'uh-oh, and angry black man/woman!' 10. We are not welcomed anywhere on the planet. 11. We are a totally misunderstood race of people. 12. Racial tensions drive me crazy. Just the insensitive and lack of willingness to even understand a black person's place or their situations. We're told to 'get over it' or 'it's your fault', or 'stop playing the victim', or 'you're looking at things at a wrong perspective'. I am going mad. Nobody understands us, nor do they want to. We are the loneliness race on planet earth. No matter how much we shout and cry and plead, nobody hears us. Nothing changes. Not even God will do anything. Black people fill up the churches like crazy and can be some of the most God-fearing people, yet we're still severely oppressed I am emotionally tired. I feel like I just want to go sleep and never wake up. My depression and anxiety have gotten so bad that my body doesn't feel the same anymore. Sunday night I cried to God so hard that I could barely breathe. What was He thinking to even create me? I feel so terrible because I grew up with a wonderful childhood to two of the most amazing parents and a high-spirited family, but they have no idea I'm saying these things. Suicide feels really nice, but it will crush the people around me. I'm 31 years old, and suicide has been chasing me for years and it is constantly getting closer and closer. I read the bible and I pray, and it doesn't work, or the healing isn't coming fast enough. What can I do in this impossible world where everyday somebody or something lets me know that my skin color will always be an issue? How can anybody or even God expect me to be sane? What can I do? How can I get out of this struggle? Somebody please help me. How can the bible speak to me with this impossible struggle? A throb is in my throat right now...

My new book, Faithless, will be published on December 20. The attachments describe what it's about, but I don't know how to find the people who would WANT to read it. I want to help people and this is my way of starting that. Any advice would be appreciated so much!

I need help can anyone assist me

This is a long post, one in which I've given a LOT of thought. Somehow or another, I believe suicide is my destiny. I don't know how or when, but it is inevitable. There's two elements that lead me to this conclusion, both mentally and spiritually. I've always been fairly melancholy; there's always been a deep void or a sense of emptiness. Metaphorically, there's always a dark haze within my consciousness (think Batman's Gotham). I am not now nor have I ever been abused by family, lover, or church. There are friends/family that love me and I'm sure would miss me. Life has its wonderful and beautiful moments. As I speak now, the golden Sun and the autumn rustling wind and aroma outside is wonderful! Yet, it all pales to the void within. In the last decade, I've tried to push past this by seeking purpose, something to be passionate about, and even wealth. So far, to no avail. My business endeavors have failed, cannot find anything to be passionate about, and certainly no purpose. Just, nothing, emptiness. As I get older, my family will be dying off; after a failed relationship I do not have the time nor patience for marrying. As early as age 15, I thought about the mudaneness of life. What is life? You go to work most of the week, come home attempting to savor the few free hours, and on off-days you catch up what you couldn't accomplish the rest of the week, only to repeat the same cycle over and over. For what? To keep the cycle going? Why do it? Suicide is the most logical answer, 18 years later even. Ecclesiastes touches on this very issue, of course, the point being life is nothing without God. However, that is not working out either. As Christians, when we accept Jesus as Lord & Savior, to save us from sin and to give us eternal life, we should gradually be becoming more "like Him", the relationship should become more of a living (maybe even obvious) reality, and our desire should be growing for Him. Frankly, I don't see that as the case with me. When searching my heart, I inevitably see it as self-centered, not really desiring God, and certainly not as a Living Reality. The efforts I have made to have a relationship with God, there seems to be no reciprocation, despite prayers to change my heart/desires, lead me in a meaningful direction, and to make the relationship more of a meaningful reality. Faith has never come easy for me to begin with. Underneath it all (and I'm not proud of it), part of me resents God for not only my creation, but ALL of Creation. Considering God is totally self-sufficient (does not need us), knowing full-well that most of mankind would not choose Him (even if it is by man's own free-will) and most likely suffer for eternity. That may be justice, but how does having that foreknowledge and moving forward with it anyway make for a God of love? Eternal fate aside, even the tamer "God grows us through suffering" line of reasoning, why have us endure it when God was perfectly content without us? It is quite hard to love a Being in that vein, even if He did offer to redeem us. Yes, I may accept His gift of salvation, but why create me in the first place? What's more, at my birth there was the chance I would not be born; my mother had a vision assuring her I would be born and healthy. So, obviously "God formed me in the womb" knowing the state of my future and had ample opportunity not to move forward with me. Why did He do it?? The only thing that has prevented me actually "fulfilling my destiny" is the fear of the afterlife as a result. Theologians can debate on whether or not there's a Biblical basis for suicide as a ticket to Hell or not, but that is immaterial here. Given my take on things above, personally, I wish for non-existence (suicide at the soul level). Unfortunately, I know it's not that easy. Christ is not going to redeem us only to end in non-existence, at the same time, I know the alternative is somehow worse. God will not allow non-existence without payment for sin in this life. So, either way, I lose! This fact only compounds my harsh feelings towards God and about life! I'm sure some here will probably say I was never saved or born again. For those that do think that, perhaps I've hardened my heart past the point of no return? The angst of living, the thought of it going on decades more, it almost makes me want to "weep and gnash teeth" here and now. I want to be redeemed by God, but at the same time I absolutely resent Him! Perhaps, I want redemption from existence itself more. In the end, I don't really know the response I seek in posting this. I know no responses will advocate suicide. Though, the thought of non-existence is absolutely euphoric! Counseling will not help, as I would be shut away in an institution or be doped up on meds and slapped with an outrageous bill to add insult to injury. Not sure if it is possible to see life any other way in a fully conscious and rational way! I welcome feedback in any case; thank you all.

Jenna Presley - From Porn to God (Brittni Ruiz Saved from Hellfire) Jenna Presley (born April 1, 1987) was the stage name of Brittni Ruiz, a former American porn actress. Brittni began stripping in Tijuana, Mexico while still underage. At age 17 she began receiving treatment for anorexia nervosa, which lasted nearly two years. In 2005 she graduated with honors from Hilltop High School and briefly attended Santa Barbara City College. She studied broadcasting and journalism and worked as a telemarketer. Brittni entered the adult film industry in September 2005 when she was 18 years old. Around one month into her porn career she caught gonorrhea. While active in the business, she was credited with performing in over 275 films. During her time in the adult film industry, Brittni used crystal meth and cocaine (to try to lose weight), ecstasy, and oxycontin to numb her pain, depression, and anxiety and to make it through the scenes. After three years in the industry her grandparents took her to The Rock Church in San Diego, where "she raised her hand to receive Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior" after hearing a sermon from The Rev. Miles McPherson. Further inspired by Rachel Collins, a Christian pastor at XXX Church, left the adult film industry in November 2012. Since then, Brittni began working in business sales and studying psychology in college. In a 2013 interview Brittni discussed a book in the making about her past struggles with drugs in the industry and about her new faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In August 2013, she appeared on The View with Craig Gross, pastor of the Triple X Church, to discuss her salvation into the Kingdom of Heaven. Romans 5:20: Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound: 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Proverbs 6:32: But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Leviticus 18:22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— 5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 6 Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. 7 God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. 8 Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

People are so tired of me not being able to be happy again after my husband (soon to be ex) victimized my kids and went to prison for a long time. I did all the right things then... turned him in, got us out of homelessness, pulled myself into working, got the kids in some therapy (they need more, but I'm out of time in our schedules.)... bought us a trailer home so it would be affordable living... And now, it's 18 months later and I'm worse than ever. I see my life as completely spent with no hope for the future. Almost 39, overweight, never been pretty or well liked, lost all my friends that were from my old life, work all the time, clean all the time, take care of kids all the time, bills, house issues, car issues, errands, homework, health issues, etc.... Every day is the same... day in, day out. There is very little of my life I can enjoy. I mean, I'm thankful I have a job that I can handle. I'm thankful that I managed to get us some kind of housing that isn't horrible. I'm thankful my kids are getting better slowly. I'm thankful they are around. But I miss wife-hood. I miss being in the passenger seat on long rides instead of the only adult in the car. I miss giving my heart and my emotions to my spouse. I miss contented times watching a movie and my feet casually propped on some one's lap. My love language is touch and time. I have no one to give me these things. I mean, I hug my kids and spend time with them, but that is me ministering to them. I know God is supposed to be enough for me, but at the same time, He is the one that created us man and woman and designed the desire in me to be a helpmate and wife. I'm really lonely, and that's not something that God is answering me about. I really want hugs and tender touches to tell me everything is going to be OK. I want some one to encourage me and hold me. This is the most devastating thing I've been through in my life and the very person I would have turned to and cried in their arms is the monster who abused us. There is no one else to get comfort from. I'm not getting it from the Holy Spirit ((I'm sure this is where folks interject that I must be blocking the spirit and be closed to His comfort.)) When I'm at church, I'm very social. I laugh and joke and visit with many of the older folk and the ladies. People keep telling me how wonderful I'm doing and how proud they are. However, I can't worship anymore. I can't answer personal questions about how I'm doing. I can easily still fall to a million pieces or run and hide for a while in a quiet room because inside, I still picture walking in front of a bus, driving into an oncoming train, jumping off bridges, and seeing what it would be like to start cutting. I know I wont, because I don't have a choice. I have children. I don't resent them... but I do feel like I don't have options or choices. I simply MUST continue and I think I do resent that. It's like a person with a horrible, debilitating, painful, fatal disease. I think some of them get to the point where all they want is some kind of end to their pain. But I don't have that option. I HAVE to keep living whether I want to or not. There is no help, no counselling, no medicines, nothing that I can get to help me. The real decision is in my heart. Can I accept this life I now live and stop dwelling in this self pity and self loathing I'm wrapped up in, or can I not? Can I be content and trust God and be OK with this new life, or will I always see him now as a bully that squashes us like stepping on ants? It's a plumb line. A final choice... acceptance of my lot in life or the desire to rise up against what I've always believed in and live a little. This constant loneliness, it's eating at me. I am awake right now, wishing I had some one to cuddle... to talk to... to watch tv with... to tell about my day. Some one that would listen to me talk about the kids, the home, the church, the neighbors... my dreams... There's no one. And there are probably not any dreams left to share anyway.

if you have a mental illness take your pills . I have bi polar. and ally life satan has tried to rip up everything I tried to do I had to fight him and I still do. to stay close to the lord. pray toi the lord and tell the lord to take satan away from you , satan is trying to win your soul and don't allow him to do that. the lord will fight satan for you. all you have to do is pray evwen if its all day , keep on praying

“I ought to pray more”. “I ought to do more exercise”. “I ought to eat healthier”. Is your inner monologue anything like this? If it is, there’s a good chance that you might be… a normal human being! I think we are all plagued with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, especially when it comes to our spiritual lives and exercise routines. However, Christ came to set us free. Free from guilt and regrets; he wants us to be joyful and light like little children, who can laugh and rejoice and feel thankful. How can we achieve this? I am no expert on the topic, but I wanted to share some reflections that have come to mind: Sing more! Even if you’re really bad at it, singing is good for your soul. We let go of tensions, we forget ourselves and our deep worries and we let the music take us. When we praise God with all our heart, mind and lungs, we focus on Him and His greatness, rather than on our own feelings of guilt and failure. Improve your body language Studies have shown that the position of our bodies has a massive impact on our mind and mood. There’s no need to feel uncomfortable or shy about standing up with your arms outstretched when praising God; it will lift your spirits to Him! If you don’t believe me, search for Amy Cuddy’s TED talk about this topic, it’s very impressive. Simplify your life Of course, this is easier said than done, but there is no other way. Finding more time to pray or exercise is not a matter of seeing how you can “fit it in” to your already busy schedule, you will only end up feeling frustrated and exhausted. Technology and entertainment can take up a massive amount of our time, and are often a waste of it. You may have to take some extreme measures, like trading in your smart phone for a Neolithic one or cancelling your subscription to Netflix, but whatever you feel led to do, be sure that the result will be FREEDOM; more free time without distractions, to be able to reconnect with God in prayer and with His Word. Don’t let the devil trap you with a false sense of guilt The devil wants to trap you in these feelings of inadequacy and guilt; he will sap you of all joy and lead you into self-doubt and recrimination. I was once told: “if you feel a general sense of un-ease and guilt, this is from the devil, whereas God will usually pin-point a specific sin you have committed, so that you can repent and be freed from it”. Of course it’s impossible to say if this is the case without lifting up all these feelings to God in prayer, but if you do find that after praying deeply and repenting you’re still weighed down with the same burden of shame and heaviness, it is not because God hasn’t forgiven you or that you don’t deserve His love. Many dedicated and faithful Christians suffer from anxiety and depression, this is not a sign of a lack of faith or sinfulness, it’s part of being a broken human being in a frail, mortal body. As Christians we shouldn’t shun modern medicine or psychology; admitting that we can’t control how we feel is a brave and important step and a sign of a humble attitude, and we know that: “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” (Proverbs 11:2)

How to Overcome Depression With Christ How to Overcome Depression With Christ Have you ever had a dark cloud that seemed to follow you around everywhere you go? As much as the modern day psychologist would love to tell you that you suffer from depression, I’m going to challenge there diagnosis and mention that it could be a spirit of heaviness or an “unclean spirit” that has been assigned to you by Satan to keep your mind in chains. THE EFFECT OF A SPIRIT OF HEAVINESS It darkens our countenance: Our hearts are down cast. This spirit brings a “heaviness” over us.. It dims our vision, robs our hope. The room may actually look darker. It brings a heavy, oppressive feeling. It quenches our faith. It may come over many at once , like a plague. It can be like a cloud, hanging over a place. It causes us to isolate, it steals our love, makes us feel alone. Medication is Man’s Answer to Healing I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 16 while attending high school in my home town. The doctors recommended that I take 20mg per day of a drug that I just found out offers a shocking statistic. One and sixty people who take this medication commit suicide and that alone is insane! How could a drug that is met to “cure” depression also cause 1 person of every 60 to kill themselves? The answer is simple, drugs don’t fix the problems, they cover them up like a bandaid and the more you take them, the more you ignore the real issue at hand. Here is God’s cure for depression To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:3 Did you just see what I did? The cure for the spirit of heaviness is praise. What exactly is praise? Let’s look at the Greek definition of praise. λατρεύω (la-TREHV-oh) means to worship or adore. Now the word worship in Greek is (proskuneo) is “to fall down before” or “bow down before.” When we hear praise and worship we think of singing our favourite songs or reading hymes at church service, but how often do we got down on our hands and knees and cry out for God? Is God the ruler of your life? Do you take time everyday using preventative maintenance by praising and worshiping our father? If you only go to him when you need something than its no wonder the spirit of heaviness is coming around for daily visits. Before your next attack or during one try to give thanks to God for everything you have. It is impossible to receive God’s grace without thanksgiving. Grace can cover you like a warm blanket and make all your worries vanish into thin air. If you are depressed also try thanking God for everything in your life.

Alright all, this is yet another of my favorites from skillet (as you all may have noticed they are one of my favorite bands) and this one, is a powerful one. I saw them perform this in concert, and while I heard the song on the radio before that, when I heard the meaning behind it, it meant a lot more. John Cooper (lead singer) got up, and told everyone, that this song, was basically, a conversation between a young girl contomplating suicide and God, and how he would never let them be alone again. Powerful song about Gods promises, and definetly, one of their most powerful songs. So here it is, Skillet, The Last Night.

Recently I read this study, on Psalm 1, and Pslam 150, Started by, ayin jade and Since my interests,and desire to learn is not limited to just 1 psalm, I had been hoping to go on to other psalms, and discuss the entire Book of Psalms, how ever some people do not like that idea, any way, it was suggested to start the topic here, so I have done so,. To see where this started, follow the above links. Hopefully please keep comments and questions ,related to the current Psalm, I hope we can go onto a new Psalm, or 2 or 3 ,each week, A important thing about Psalms, is they all , allways have the effect of, lifting me up, when I am down, afraid or discouraged, (like right now), Reading PSALMS always lifts my spirit up, gives me hope,courage, and faith. from Garry